The Love Declaration
by Tribeca
Summary: Sheldon declares his love for Penny. Penny reflects on all of their yesterdays. Then they talk. *complete*
1. Chapter 1-He Declares His Love

**A/N: RL (Real Life) continues to infringe on my Shenny time, so I've not been able participate here as often as I'd like. I've missed this...I've missed all of you. **

**This was supposed to be a quick one shot and it sort of blew up and became this long, rambling mess. I broke it down into three chapters but I'm posting them up all at the same time. No need to drag it out and make you wait for each chapter, so it's all here. I hope someone out there will like it, but if you don't, I understand. It's far longer than I ever intended it to be. Sometimes the muse just clubs me over the head and takes control.**

**Obviously this was inspired by The Closure Alternative, amongst other things. **

THE LOVE DECLARATION

Chapter 1

~He Declares His Love~

Penny rushed to close the door of her apartment and slid onto the sofa, giggling and attempting to catch her breath as her legs gave way and her feet hit the floor with two loud thumps.

"Ohmygod, ohmygod, ohmygod," she said, leaning sideways and crashing her body against the couch, smearing her face into a pillow nose first, then jerking up seconds later to prevent herself from smothering in the overstuffed cushion. She rolled onto her back and kicked her feet up in the air, her legs assuming a pedaling motion, sans bicycle.

She stifled a squeal by pressing the palm of her hand securely over her grinning mouth, causing said squeal to come out as a muffled croak of sorts. She began a series of deep breathing exercises that she'd learned from years of yoga classes. When she felt calmer, she rolled off the sofa into a standing position and danced her way to her bedroom, dragging a kitchen chair behind her. She positioned the chair in front of her open closet then climbed onto the seat and leaned in, balancing on her tiptoes and reaching into the darkness as far back as her arm would stretch. She felt around for the shoebox and smoothing her fingers along the stiff corners, she grasp it and pulled it towards the edge of the closet's shelf.

This was her favorite shoebox, a Christian Louboutin box she'd found at a Hollywood street market. The box still contained the trademark fancy red felt dust bag, but no shoes. God knows she couldn't afford the luxurious red soled slingbacks that the box had originally housed. The guy at the street market wanted twenty-five dollars just for the box and dust bag, explaining to her that even having the empty box in your closet was a status symbol, as if she didn't already know that. In a moment of weakness, after having spent the night before watching Carrie Bradshaw and her friends prancing around New York in their Louboutins, Penny decided that if the box was all she could afford right now, then she'd just buy it and be happy. Besides, she had flirted a little bit and managed to talk the guy down to twenty dollars. And even though she had to skip lunch that day because twenty dollars was all she had in her purse, she figured it was worth every cent (and every hunger pang) just to own a Louboutin box. And, as if actually _paying_ for an empty shoe box wasn't a big enough secret to never reveal to anyone, the secrets the journal inside the box held were even more scandalous.

She bent to grab the back of the chair for balance while clinging tightly to the shoebox with her other hand. Climbing off the chair, she stepped across the room and placed the box in the center of her bed then turned towards her bathroom. Her bare feet tingled when they encountered the cold ceramic tile and she half shivered as a chill crept across the backside of her legs. Leaning against the sink towards the mirror, she peered in, studying her face and whispered, "He said he loves me."

~s/p~

Sheldon pulled himself up to a sitting position and glanced down at the mess he'd made, both on his person and in his living room. He looked around, making certain he was alone. Logically he knew he was, but his mind was racing, spinning out of control, and he needed verification that his roommate wasn't present in the apartment. After calling out to Leonard and getting no response, he planted his hands against the hardwood flooring and pushed himself up, the distant humming of the air conditioning the only audible sound in the apartment, unless he counted the hammering pulsation coming from his heart and banging relentlessly in his ears.

Taking a cautious step forward in an attempt to regain his bearing, he felt the rectangular wood of the dominos under his feet. Glancing down, conscious of the fact that his mind was beginning to clear, he gently kicked at the dotted wooden toy pieces with the toe of his shoe and watched as they skidded across the floor.

His libido, along with the straining of his trousers, sent a warning to his cerebrum that his much repressed desire was still awake and very present. Apparently for Doctor Sheldon Cooper, once was not enough to satiate his desire. He resisted the innate urge to palm himself and instead moved quickly to the refrigerator, yanked the door open and stood stock-still, letting the coolness of the appliance's inside wash over him until his body corrected itself to his preferred state. Then he hurried to the bathroom to clean himself.

Sheldon began to reflect back on the events of the day, of Amy being there, of her attempts to _fix_ him, to correct behavior that he didn't feel was in need of repair. He had wondered for sometime now why she claimed to have feelings for him, to enjoy his company, and to want a deeper and more intimate relationship with him, yet she was constantly attempting to convert him to the man she thought he should be. It was difficult for him to understand how one could claim to like a person and yet want to change everything about that person. He liked Amy just fine the way she was and had never tried to change her.

He was glad she was gone. Her leaving had given him the opportunity to retrace his steps and rectify the damage she had done. He'd finished (and won!) his game of tic-tac-toe, he'd allowed the jack to pop out of the box, he'd finished the National Anthem (NOT finishing would be complete blasphemy in Texas), blown out all of the candles on his cake, and he had set up and then knocked down the dominos and watched with sweet satisfaction as they had fallen in an artful pattern. And then Penny had walked in on him.

As with all things that made Sheldon Cooper happy, Penny was always present, skating around on the edges of his mind, just on the outer realm of his psyche. He'd tried for years to eliminate her invasive presence but had found it an impossible task. He'd learned to control himself, convincing everyone around him that the only feeling he had for Penny was contempt and he would manage her with scornful dialogue and at times, necessary appeasement. And he'd been successful for the past six years. Until tonight.

Tonight he had told her he loved her.

~s/p~

Penny bounced across the bed on her knees, stopping when she reached the shoebox. She gently removed the lid and reached in to feel for the soft red dust bag. Slowly lifting it out, her fingers crushed against the hardness of it's contents. Pulling at the drawstring just enough to loosen it, she slipped her hand in and grasped the book. She held it out in front of her and studied it lovingly, tracing her finger across the gold emblazoned italicized letters on the leather cover.

_PENNY'S CALIFORNIA JOURNAL_

_To my daughter, find what you love and go after it._

_Love, Mom_

She smiled as she flipped though the pages, each entry telling the story of her relocation to The Golden State (California's official nickname). She couldn't help but laugh at the silly and immature writings of her time spent with Kurt. Even the part where they broke up...how painful it had seemed, like it was the end of the world...now it was merely a distant and fading memory. Her mom had been right, time had healed the wound and now she could barely remember what that loser looked like.

One more turn of the page brought her to the day that had changed her life, the day that had shaken her world to its very core:

**_September 24, 2007_**

_Hi Journal!_

_I moved into my new apartment today. I was unpacking and met my new neighbors, Sheldon and Leonard. They seem like really sweet guys! They are definitely different, unlike any guys I've ever known before. They are sooooo smart, like real geniuses or something. _

_Leonard was really nice and Sheldon, gosh, he was something else. He was weird and goofy and sweet...and oh, his eyes. And oh yeah, he's like one of those beautiful mind kind of guys. I couldn't...well, I couldn't stop looking at him. _

_Sheldon Cooper. Doctor Sheldon Cooper. Wow. _

_Whew! I need some sleep. Moving has made me crazy. _

_Goodnight Journal._

Penny laughed and began flipping randomly through the pages, noting that hardly a day had passed that Sheldon's name wasn't written somewhere on each page. His presence in almost all of her days was everywhere.

These were the pages of her life. And his name, more than any other, was written on each one of them.

~s/p~


	2. Chapter 2- All of Our Yesterdays

**A/N: When I started writing Penny's journal, it just began rolling out and next thing I knew, I had my DVD inserts out and was scanning episode by episode. I have to tell you, I enjoyed reminiscing about their 'past.' The dates I used for her journal entries in this fic are the original CBS air dates except for two or three that I had to change to fit the story. But the events are in chronological order as they occurred on the show. I employed a touch of artistic license to embellish them a wee bit for our Shenny loving hearts. I felt like in order to get the feel of the fic I was going for, I had to write their past, so that I could bring them to the present, to give reason and background for their comments to each other...to somehow show how it was that Sheldon came to make a declaration of his love to and for Penny. **

**Welcome to Penny's journal. The canon of my mind. I borrowed the title of this chapter from a Star Trek episode.**

Chapter 2

~All of Our Yesterdays~

**_October 1, 2007_**

_Sheldon snuck in and cleaned my freaking apartment. I'm gonna kill him._

**_October 15, 2007_**

_Sheldon got fired. I drove him to the store, he drove me crazy. Then he made this awesome glow in the dark fish. Cool._

**_October 22, 2007_**

_I had to explain to that whack-a-doodle what a tie on his roommate's door means. God!_

**_October 29, 2007_**

_Hehe...here's a picture of Sheldon and me at my Halloween party. Look at that ridiculous costume he's wearing. I thought he was a zebra but he was some kind of sciencey thing. The party was great, then I got drunk. Uggg...hangover central._

**_November 5, 2007_**

_Gosh! Christy "The Whore of Omaha" came to stay with me and ended up sleeping with...ewww...Howard Wolowitz. Gross! In my bed. I had to sleep on Sheldon and Leonard's couch. Before that, I beat Sheldon at Halo. He was furious! It was great! _

_Oh, and he said I was attractive. Yeah, I'm just reporting it as it happened, Journal. Yeah._

**_March 31, 20008_**

_God! Sheldon got sick and guess who had to take care of him? ME! That damn Leonard ran out on him and so I had to do it. I had to fix his soup and rub Vapor Rub on him and sing this funny song. It's called Soft Kitty and well, okay, Journal, don't tell him I said this, but it is sort of a sweet song._

_And I'm not even gonna mention how much I enjoyed rubbing that crap on his chest. God he makes me crazy._

**_May 12, 2008_**

_So today was Leonard's birthday and we were going to have a surprise party for him and guess who had to take Sheldon shopping for Leonard's gift? ME! What the heck? Why does he make me so nuts...shopping with Sheldon...it's an adventure...an adventure into Crazyland. But, I sort of liked it. I had fun, okay? Journal, I'm glad no one reads you but me. I'd be in real trouble. Anyway, Leonard was late to the party and Sheldon and I fell asleep on his couch. And I will just leave that there without commenting on the things I was thinking before I fell asleep. _

_God, Journal, get your mind out of the gutter!_

**_May 19, 2008_**

_Well, I went out with Leonard. Sheldon, it turns out, is well, I don't know what he is. Gay? Asexual? Weird? Anyway, he is in no way interested in me or any other woman I guess. He's always talking about how awful "coitus" is. Funny, I never heard that word till I met Sheldon. So Leonard asked me out and I'm sick of all the lunk headed jerks I've been dating so I thought I'd give it a try. _

_I talked to Sheldon about it. It took him forever to figure out where to sit when he came over to my apartment. He cracks me up! _

_Date with Leonard, well, it was okay. Better than no date at all, right?_

Penny laughed and continued to flip through her journal, thankful that her mom had insisted she write in it at least every week or so. It had been a real chore, but she had promised and now she was glad she did. Her mom, it turns out, was a pretty smart lady!

After going to the kitchen for a couple of spoonfuls of ice cream (straight from the carton, thank you very much), Penny returned to her journal:

**_September 24, 2008_**

_Sheldon can't keep a secret for shit! He even moved out, but he came right back and told Leonard everything. I swear I'm gonna kill that boy!_

**_October 6, 2008_**

_Sheldon got me hooked on Age of Conan. I lost my mind for awhile, but it sure was a good excuse to spend time with Doctor Cooper. Did I say that?_

**_October 20, 2008_**

_Took Sheldon to get his driver's permit. Watch out Pasadena!_

**_November 3, 2008_**

_This bitch Ramona something is trying to get in Sheldon's pants. I'd like to kick her ass but then people might know that I...oh, never mind..._

_Damn it, that bitch told me to my face she thinks I'm in love with Sheldon. God I hope no one heard her. BITCH. _

_Sheldon finally got mad when she wanted credit for his work and he kicked her out. Thank God._

**_November 10, 2008_**

_Okay, so I stole one of Sheldon's onion rings and he went bat crap crazy. Then he stole my underwear and HUNG IT OUT ON THE TELEPHONE WIRES. I had to call his MOM! _

_Don't tell anyone I said this, Journal, but he's sort of cute when he's mad. And I can't figure out yet why I take such pleasure in pushing his buttons. He makes me crazy. _

**_November 17, 2008_**

_Leonard stole Howard's girlfriend. I don't know all the details. Her name is Stephanie and she's a doctor. Sheldon really likes her. Maybe, MAYBE if he sees Leonard in a good relationship with a great girl, maybe he would look at me in that way...no, no, he won't. _

_I need to get a grip._

**_December 15, 2008_**

_Oh. My. God. SHELDON HUGGED ME. Merry Christmas to ME!_

**_February 2, 2009_**

_So that money I loaned loser Kurt? Yeah, well now I can't pay my rent. Except Sheldon hid me in his apartment so the landlord wouldn't find me. Then he gave me money. I'll pay him back, but, he just gave it to me so freely, like he cares and he trusts me. No one has ever trusted me with that much money. Sheldon Cooper...what is it about him, Journal?_

**_March 9, 2009_**

_Sheldon's MeeMaw calls him Moon Pie! Ahahaha! So of course now till the end of time I too will call him Moon Pie. He's so...well, never mind._

**_March 16, 2009_**

_Sheldon helped me with my Penny Blossom business. Then he got high on coffee._

**_March 30, 2009_**

_So this skanky bitch who is an actor moved into the building. Of course Leonard, Howard and Raj, like the horndogs they are, have followed her around like dogs in heat. Sheldon, on the other hand couldn't care less. God I love that about him._

**_April 13, 2009_**

_So I went on a date with Stuart. Then we get back to my apartment and who just pops right in and takes over? SHELDON! Really? I fell asleep on the couch and he made Stuart leave. What up with that?_

**_April 27, 2009_**

_So Howard, Raj and Leonard go to Vegas. Sheldon got locked out of his apartment and who do you think he then hangs out with? ME. And he had to spend the night because our stupid landlord wouldn't come let him in his apartment. _

_He asked me about friends with benefits. I almost died right there. I thought maybe, just maybe, he was starting to finally notice me as a woman. Wrong, he was just being Sheldon. He'll never see me as anything more than his annoying neighbor._

_We sat in the dark on my bed for a little while and I sang Soft Kitty to him. He was really sweet for a few minutes, then it was like something snapped. He realized what we were doing and he told me to get out. _

**_May 11, 2009_**

_All four of the guys are going to the freaking Arctic for the entire summer. Something about helping Sheldon's dream come true and winning some science prize. It's sweet that Leonard and those guys want to help Sheldon like this._

_I'd never in a million years tell the whack-a-doodle this, but I'm really gonna miss him._

**_September 21, 2009_**

_So the guys got back today and I found out that they had done something really mean to Sheldon. I don't know all the details, but I think Leonard and the others somehow screwed with Sheldon's experiments. He was so hurt. After I found out I went to his bedroom to talk to him. He was pitiful laying there on his bed. I sat next to him and just talked and tried my best to comfort him. I wanted so badly just to touch him. I almost did but I was scared it would freak him out. _

_I came so close, Journal. So close to just grabbing him and hugging him and telling him how I feel...how I've always felt...about him. I almost touched him. He had his back to me so he had no clue how close I came to reaching out to him. I just wanted...I wanted..._

_I just wanted him to turn around._

**_September 28, 2009_**

_I slept with Leonard. I'm a fucking fraud and a fool. Also: Worst. Sex. Ever._

_Any hope I ever had for Sheldon and me is gone. I wouldn't blame Sheldon if he never, ever looked at me again. I don't deserve him, he deserves so much better than me. _

_I'm an idiot. And I've lost Sheldon forever._

_I'm a loser, Journal, a complete and totally lame loser. I deserve Leonard._

**_November 2, 2009_**

_Sorry it's been so long, Journal. I've been stuck in a, well to use one of Sheldon's words, a VORTEX of relationship drama. And I haven't felt much like writing. But I promised my mom, so here I am._

_I had a football party at my apartment. Leonard wanted to come and get this: SHELDON tried to teach Leonard about football. Who knew? _

_Sheldon came over during the party to get some bread. God I would have given anything if everyone else in the room would have just disappeared but him and me. _

_Goodnight Journal._

**_November 9, 2009_**

_Leonard and I got into a huge fight when he found out my friend Justin was coming to town. He was pissed off that I was going to let Justin sleep on my sofa. He doesn't trust me at all. As if I am dumb enough to start something up with an out of work guitarist with no future. God._

_Anyway, Sheldon got really upset when we started yelling at each other. He ran off and we searched all over until we finally found him at the comic book store. I made Leonard buy him a stupid robot and comic book._

_Later, after Leonard had gone to bed, Sheldon and I had a long talk. He told me about how his mom and dad used to fight and scream at each other all the time when he was growing up. As usual I resisted the urge to reach out and hug him. _

_Right before he left my apartment, he told me that he hated to hear Leonard yelling at me. Huh._

**_November 16, 2009_**

_Oh. My. God. Sheldon touched my boob! Sheldon "sex-is-stupid-and-unnecessary" Cooper copped a feel. Yeah he did. _

_Okay, so I was taking a shower and I slipped in the tub and fell. It dislocated my shoulder and hurt like hell. Thank God Sheldon was home. _

_He's such a goofball. He helped me, no...wait, to use his words...he "rescued" me. So I could barely move and of course I was naked so he had to help me get dressed before he could drive...YES, I said DRIVE...to the hospital. He was pulling my shirt over my head and I told him not to look._

_Oh, and Journal, for the record, had I not been in earth shattering pain, the LAST thing I would have done was told that boy not to look. I so wanted him to look, and touch, and feel, and taste and want...oh God...I'm losing it...anyway, so he had his eyes closed (ever my Texas gentleman) and was reaching for my arm and he grabbed my boob instead. _

_I think we both were shocked. I told him to let it go, and he did, but God, if my arm hadn't been about to break off, I would never have stopped him. Never. I'm just saying..._

_Then on the way to the hospital, he confessed that he checked out my ass. Well, again, to use his words, he "peeked" because "the hero always peeks." _

_Asexual my right butt cheek. Weirdo. _

_Then we get back to my apartment and I'm all doped up on these really great drugs the doctor gave me and SHELDON HAD TO GET ME IN BED! He pretended not to like it, but I swear I saw him smiling._

_I even made him sing Soft Kitty to me...in a round! It was hilarious. Of course he pretended to hate it all but it sure didn't seem that way. Especially when I woke up a few hours later and found him asleep and snuggled up next to me. _

_He doesn't know this, Journal, but I kissed him then. If anyone ever finds out, I'll blame it on the drugs. But I put my lips next to his for just a few seconds. I couldn't help myself. _

_He finally woke up not long after that and we both acted so weird and he left really quickly and would hardly look at me. _

_I think I love him. And Journal, that's just between you and me. NO ONE ELSE CAN EVER KNOW. Even Sheldon._

_What a day._

**_December 7, 2009_**

_Okay, so I convinced Sheldon to teach me physics. I told him I wanted to learn a little about what Leonard does for his job. Okay, truth? It was a way for me to spend more time with Sheldon. Shut up, Journal. Just shut up._

_He drove me crazy and I guess I sort of drove him crazy too. But I love him and I wouldn't change a thing, nutty quirks and all. _

_I realized that I had more fun with him than I've ever had with any other guy...any other PERSON...in my life. Sheldon Cooper makes me smile. _

_Too bad he'll never see me as anything more than his annoying neighbor. _

**_December 14, 2009_**

_Leonard's mom back in town. 'Nuff said. Except she has balls of steel and I envy that. And she kissed Sheldon. I envy that more._

**_January 18, 2010_**

_Oh my God. I thought I'd lost Sheldon forever. Some idiot thug broke into his and Leonard's apartment and it really scared Sheldon. So much so that he decided to move. Yep, the big whacko was gonna leave Pasadena and move to freaking Montana. _

_I think it was the first time I ever felt my heart break. I thought I'd never see him again. Journal, I thought I'd wasted so much time and never told him how I feel and now he was leaving me._

_Thank God the goofball came back. _

_Later, after Howard and Raj had left and Leonard had gone to bed, Sheldon came over. He sort of hugged me...in some freaky awkward way...and told me he didn't like missing me. _

_I'm glad he came back. I'd hate to have to move to Montana. But I would have if he asked me to. Not that he ever would._

**_February 17, 2010_**

_So yeah, Sheldon and I spent Valentine's Day together. Yeah Journal, you heard me right. Now before you get the wrong idea, well, we were both sick as vomiting dogs. _

_Leonard went on a trip to Switzerland to see some big supercollider thingy...something about particles smushing together or whatever...and Sheldon got mad because Leonard was going to take me. Well then, Sheldon and I both got sick...yeah, and of course he blamed me!...so Leonard ended up taking Raj with him._

_That left Sheldon and me bundled up in blankets on his sofa. It was the most fun I ever had while I was sick. We ended up playing games and watching lots of his dopey Star Trek videos and eating tons of junk food._

_Even after we both got better, I stayed over there with him because...well, he asked me too. _

_He didn't have to ask me twice._

**_March 1, 2010_**

_Okay, so Sheldon went to jail and it was sort of my fault. He got a traffic ticket from that time he drove me to the hospital. I sort of hid it and then they made him come to court. He made me go with him. He was really mad at me because this guy, Stan Lee, some comic book dude, was coming to Stuart's store on the same day we had to go to court and Sheldon had to miss it._

_Of course he ended up pissing off the judge and they threw him in jail. _

_He finally got out and then later I drove him over to Mr. Lee's house. Then Mr. Lee called the cops on us and I had to bail Sheldon out of jail for the second time in two days. Nut job._

_Funny thing is, both Mr. Lee and the cops thought I was Sheldon's girlfriend. And neither one of us corrected them._

**_March 22, 2010_**

_So Sheldon won this award at work but he had to make a speech and he was scared to death. Plus he had nothing to wear. So I got to take him shopping for a new suit._

_Journal, let me just tell you: Sheldon Cooper plus new black suit equals YUMMY. Damn. I had to sit on my hands at the table just to keep from reaching out to touch him._

_So he was nervous and I gave him some wine to try and calm him down. Well, being the freak that he is, he guzzled it and got drunk and then made an ass of himself...and SHOWED his ass (damn fine ass) on the stage._

_He lost his pants. _

_Here's a secret for ya, Journal: I know what happened to his pants and I know where they are. And I'll never tell. I'm not even trusting YOU, dear Journal, with THAT secret._

**_May 3, 2010_**

_Okay, so Leonard and I finally broke up. Sheldon said we would and I guess I always knew we would. Last week was pretty bad, especially when Wil Wheaton stuck his nose in our business at the bowling alley. But this week was a little better as Leonard and I are accepting it and trying to be friends. He's a nice guy and I value his friendship. _

_But I am in love with his damn roommate...quirks and all. There, Journal, I said it. Are you happy now?_

_Suddenly, Sheldon and I were able to spend time together without mine and Leonard's relationship hanging over our heads. Except that Sheldon felt weird about it. _

_I invited him over for dinner, but it turned into this big thing because he didn't want to hurt Leonard's feelings. Something about Howard telling him "Bros before hoes" and Sheldon, as usual taking it to heart and taking it soooo literally. I wanted to kill Howard. _

_So anyway, Leonard told Sheldon he was fine with us being friends. Sheldon and I are maybe going to get to hang out now a little bit. _

_Maybe there is hope after all._

**_May 24, 2010_**

_Well, Sheldon's been ignoring me...I think he just doesn't know how to handle our new relationship...freedom and all that...so he does what Sheldon does best and ignores the issue. _

_Or maybe I've been reading him wrong. Maybe he really isn't interested in me._

_So I started dating this guy Zack. I mean really, I can't just sit around waiting for Sheldon when he probably isn't interested in me anyway._

_Journal, I'm a little scared. I feel myself slipping. I'm drinking more and dating guys just because they are hot. Zack doesn't have a living brain cell in his head, but there I go, typical Penny, dating him anyway._

_Tonight the guys were on the roof bouncing laser beams off the moon. How cool is that? Anyway, they invited Zack and me up to watch. Just watching him and Sheldon interact made me realize what a complete idiot I am. _

_Later, I got drunk and had sex with Leonard. Great._

**_September 23, 2010_**

_Today I found out that Sheldon has a girlfriend. Yep. Raj and Howard put him on a dating site and bam! They did what I haven't been able to do in almost 4 years, they got him to look at a girl._

_He claims they are just friends and I noticed he had a hard time looking me in the eye. So I was dying to meet the bitch and I agreed to drive him (and her) on a date._

_My. God._

_Kill me now._

**_December 16, 2010_**

_Yeah,I know, it's been awhile. I don't really give a flying fuck. Sheldon and I rarely spend time together anymore and he's growing closer with Amy. Actually she is chasing after him with all she's got. And trying to be my friend too. She's trying to force a closer relationship with Sheldon and he's resisting every step of the way._

_I guess that's something. _

_But now when Sheldon and I are together, it just feels weird. Zack and I are going to Stuart's New Year's Eve party with Sheldon and the other guys. Truth? I'm only going to be near Sheldon. _

_I need a drink._

**_January 6, 2011_**

_Leonard and Sheldon had a fight (big stunner there). Leonard was making some kind of app and Sheldon was trying to help him and they started arguing and Leonard threw him off the team. _

_He ended up (as usual) in my apartment hanging out with me._

_It was nice. I've missed him._

**_February 3, 2011_**

_So Sheldon came over and asked me to give him acting lessons. I was really surprised. I've felt like he was avoiding me or something. We had a lot of fun and then it was over._

_Right before he left after our last lesson, he held my hand. Well, sort of. We were standing at the door and I was telling him bye. He was trying to pay me for the lessons and I told him he was crazy, no way was I taking money from him after all he had done for me. Plus, he's a friend, I was just doing a favor for him, no need to pay._

_Sometimes I think it's hard for him to figure out the concept of friendship. Sometimes I think he knows more than he lets on, but he acts like he doesn't just so I have to explain it to him. Like he's testing me or something. _

_So anyway, I'm telling him bye and he reached out and took my hand in his. He didn't say anything, he just looked at me. Like he was trying to figure something out...figure me out. His eyes, God it's always his eyes...I felt like I couldn't catch my next breath. Then he told me he had enjoyed it and left. Just like that. _

_I cried for the rest of the night. And ate ice cream._

**_March 31, 2011_**

_So this dumb-ass stole all of Sheldon's stuff from one of his online games. The boys went to try and get it back and the guy ended up stealing some movie weapon thing from Sheldon. Then their car broke down and they called me to come get them._

_After they told me what happened with that Zarnecki guy, I drove us back to the house, because really, I just felt sorry for Sheldon. _

_I kicked the guy in the nuts and got all of Sheldon's stuff back. _

_When I woke up the next morning I found a card from Sheldon that he had slid under my door. I taped it to the next page. I'm gonna keep it forever._

Penny turned the page and sighed while lightly trailing her fingers across Sheldon's card. She whispered the words he'd written:

"Penny, thank you for helping me recover my items from that bully last night. You appear to be the sole individual in my life that I can turn to no matter the crisis. You accept me as I am and ask for no changes or apologies. I am glad you are on my side.

While I don't say this often, and here I am writing it so you will always have evidence of my admission, I do indeed value our friendship. I value you.

I don't know what the future holds (though if I ever invent time travel I'll let you know) but I suspect it may hold something for us. I suppose time will tell.

Be patient with me.

Sincerely,

Doctor Sheldon Lee Cooper

Penny laughed and shook her head. She and Sheldon had never spoken of the note, but it was a possession she would cherish forever. She was sure she'd read it at least a million times. More or less.

Thumbing through more pages her heart dropped at the next entry she stopped to read:

**_April 7, 2011_**

_Dear God. Amy told me that she and Sheldon had sex. SEX. I was devastated. I never saw it coming, neither did Leonard or any of our other friends. Thank God it ended up being some stupid experiment they were running on the group. They did not have sex. But still._

_It made me realize that this man has the power to break my heart. I hate that._

**_May 19, 2011_**

_Oh my God. I slept with Raj. I fucking got drunk and slept with Raj. And Sheldon and Leonard and Howard were all there to watch me do the walk of shame. _

_I hate me._

_Sheldon will never forgive this._

_The look on his face killed me._

**_November 3, 2011_**

_Okay, Journal, I know it's been awhile. I just haven't felt up to writing. I'm just sort of at my lowest point and it feels like it's getting lower. I'm trying to help Bernadette with her wedding, but I mostly just feel like I'm going through the motions. And drinking more. Definitely drinking more._

**_November 17, 2011_**

_What a day. Sheldon came over and actually asked me to go on a date with him. Can you believe that? And for like three seconds, I considered saying yes. But I knew he was just upset because Amy was on a date with Stuart. _

_Sure, I want Sheldon, I can finally admit it to you, Journal. Only you. But I want him when and if he finally wants me. Not because his relationship with Amy is screwed up and he's turning to me as a solution to fix it. And so I said no._

_I told him about this guy I liked and never said anything and the guy ended up with another girl. I was TOTALLY talking about him and the big 'ole smarty pants freakazoid figured it out. He fucking figured it out that HE WAS THE GUY._

_And then I lied and said no, he wasn't the guy. He looked kind of hurt, but he just shrugged and left my apartment. After he was gone, I decided that I would go over there and confess to him that he WAS the guy. He had ALWAYS been the guy. Leonard told me Sheldon was out so I went back to my apartment to wait till he got home._

_Later that night, I found out that Sheldon had asked Amy to be his girlfriend. _

_I think I died just a little. And I never got to tell him he was the guy._

**_January 12, 2012_**

_So every damn time Sheldon has a problem with Amy he comes to me for advice. He has no clue how bad this hurts me. But I slap on a smile and help him because he's my friend. If we can be nothing more than friends, then that's what I'll be. Sheldon's friend._

_We went to a jewelry store and the guy actually thought Sheldon and I were a couple. It was great and gave me some sort of weird satisfaction even though we were there to get a gift for Amy._

_He ended up getting her a tiara...yeah, I know, a tiara...whatever...but the look, oh, Journal, the look he gave me when Amy grabbed him and pulled him in for a hug. _

_As always with Sheldon Cooper, his eyes said it all. It was all I needed to know, all he had to say to me without even opening his mouth._

**_February 23, 2012_**

_So Sheldon and I have basically been avoiding each other since the tiara incident. He's with Amy now. I have to accept it. It hurts, but I have to accept it. I'm back with Leonard too. So, yeah._

_Anyway, the whack-a-doodle's barber got sick and couldn't cut Sheldon's hair so guess who ended up cutting it? Yep, yours truly. Me._

_I was sorta nervous but he seemed to trust me so he came over and we spent most of the day together before I finally got around to cutting his hair._

_We ordered pizza and played games and watched tv. He made me watch Firefly and I made him watch Teen Mom. It felt just like old times. _

_He actually sat on the couch with me and Journal, I swear he sat a little closer than usual. And I almost reached out for him. _

_And then I cut his hair. He's gonna kill me when he sees the back of his head._

_I'm sooooo gonna have to move._

**_May 3, 2012_**

_God. Okay first, Amy practically forced me to tell her Sheldon's favorite meal (spaghetti with little hotdogs) and like the idiot I am, I sat there and gave her ammunition to lure Sheldon straight into her trap. _

_And as if THAT weren't bad enough, fucking Leonard asked me to marry him._

_I need drinks. Lots of drinks._

**_May 10, 2012_**

_Well, Bernadette and Howard's wedding finally happened. Sheldon in a tux...and the way his eyes followed me when I walked over to stand next to him right before the ceremony started...wow._

_It's always about his eyes, Journal...always about his eyes._

_Then Sheldon and I sort of got in an argument...you know, just sniping at each other like we always do, then Amy had to jump in and act like our mom or something. God._

_She actually said, "All right, that's enough from both of you. I'm ending it."_

_Yeah, my MOM used to say that all the time. _

_Anyway, Sheldon found out that Leonard asked me to marry him. I think Sheldon was just relieved that I said no. At least that is what I am choosing to believe. _

_Then today, Howard rocketed into space. We were all in Sheldon and Leonard's apartment to watch it on tv. _

_Everything was going fine until I looked over and saw Sheldon holding Amy's hand. _

_I felt like I'd been shot in the head._

**_October 4, 2012_**

_I told Amy and Bernadette I was thinking of breaking up with Leonard. Of course Amy told Sheldon. _

_I was sound asleep in my room when the big weirdo snuck into my apartment and scared the hell out of me. Then he told me he didn't want me to hurt Leonard. _

_It seems like that has been the core of every feeling, every thought, every ALMOST between Sheldon and me...DON'T HURT LEONARD. That idea rules everything that has ever taken place between Sheldon and me._

_Don't hurt Leonard. His feelings must be protected at all costs._

_So Sheldon says this. Then acts like he's gonna go, then he starts talking to me about how I smell. He even noticed that I'd changed shampoo. I never knew he paid such close attention to me. _

_I thought he was leaving, but then he turned around and climbed back on the bed next to me. Yep._

_And we held hands and talked all night long. About everything and nothing. And then he left._

**_October 18, 2012_**

_I kissed Sheldon. In his living room. In front of Amy. And Leonard. We were playing some stupid games and then we started wrestling and I flipped his skinny ass over and pinned him to the floor and then I couldn't stop myself. I just bent down and started kissing the hell out of him._

_God, the look on his face. He fucking wanted it, and for a second he went with it, then his stupid big 'ole brain kicked in and he started yelling at me to stop. Then he yelled for Amy to help him and then she freaking bent down and started kissing him too. _

_And Journal, just like always, I did all the work and she reaped the benefits. _

_Fuck._

**_October 25, 2012_**

_I got drunk and had sex with Leonard all over Pasadena. I'm keeping it classy._

_Oh, and Amy and Sheldon came to the Halloween party dressed as a couple. Raggedy Ann and Andy...but he still did C3PO too, so at least he maintained some sort of geek integrity._

_Later he expressed his dissatisfaction with my behavior with Leonard. I told him to bite me. _

_Bastard._

**_November 8, 2012_**

_Wil Wheaton hates Amy. That's all I'm saying._

_Oh, and Sheldon came to the Cheesecake Factory and got drunk._

_I hate that he's so damn cute when he's drunk._

**_January 31, 2013_**

_I hardly ever get to spend any time with Sheldon anymore. Saw him today. So I was feeling kind of nosey and asked him if he would ever have sex with Amy. He said "it's a possibility."_

_Yay._

**_February 7, 2013_**

_Well, Sheldon and Leonard got in another fight and Leonard decides he is going to move in with me. KMN_

_THEN, Amy decides she will move in with Sheldon._

_Even though Sheldon and I have been avoiding each other, we had a long talk today. He wants Amy to move in with him about as much as I want Leonard to move in with me. Not at all._

_So we end up telling them and they got mad at both of us. _

_After Amy went home and Leonard went to bed...in his OWN room, thank God...Sheldon came over and hung out with me awhile. _

_I could tell he didn't want to leave. And I didn't want him to. But he had too. The sun was coming up._

**_February 21, 2013_**

_Sheldon asked me to do Fun with Flags with him. We had a great time. _

_Later I invited him and Amy to come with Leonard to see me in my acting class' production of A Streetcar Named Desire._

_While I was onstage, my eyes locked on Sheldon. I didn't plan it that way of course, but his eyes, those incredible steely eyes of his caught mine and I felt frozen in place as I preformed my monologue. _

_He said I was remarkable. And he couldn't take his eyes off me._

**_March 14, 2013_**

_Oh. My. God. Sheldon found my vibrator. We were having a dinner party at Sheldon and Leonard's apartment and then the big dork walked in waving it around in front of everyone._

_I was trying to grab it away from him once I got him back in my apartment but he was holding it high over his head. I was jumping around trying to get it from him and I crashed right into him. Next thing I knew, his arm was around me trying to balance me to keep us both from falling over._

_Then he whispered to me, "Do you ever think about me Penny?"_

_I just about lost it. And then Amy knocked on the door._

Penny leaned across her bed, stretching to reach her bedside table. She plucked a pen from the top drawer and then slid her body back to prop against the headboard of her bed.

She began to write her newest entry:

**_April 25, 2013_**

_So I had a long talk with Leonard tonight and told him that I feel passionate towards him...and Sheldon, then I quickly added, "and all my other friends." I couldn't believe I let Sheldon's name slip out like that._

_Later, after Leonard had left to meet up with Howard for a movie, and I knew that Amy had been gone from Sheldon's apartment for a while, I decided to go over there and tell the big weirdo just how much I appreciated him being in my life._

_So okay Journal, here's where it gets interesting...so I open the door and he's laying in the floor and the look he gave me, my God...and I told him I loved having him in my life and then...God...then he said, and I am going to quote because I still don't believe it, "I love you too."_

_WOOOHOOOO! _

_And then I felt kinda shy and awkward and didn't know what to say because it was the absolute LAST thing I expected to come out of Sheldon Cooper's mouth._

_He looked like, well, like I had caught him in the middle of, uh, doing something if ya know what I mean, and all his guards and walls were down and he was completely transparent and talking to me straight from his heart without all the censors his brain usually has in place when we talk. _

_And no matter what, Journal, no matter who or what or when or where or why or how...I love him too._

~s/p~


	3. Chapter 3- Love is a Powerful Thing

Chapter 3

~Love is a Powerful Thing~

Sheldon settled into his spot, his body finally relaxing as it melded into the coolness of the leather. He positioned his knees just so and then flipped his laptop open. He scrolled quickly and efficiently though each security setting, absentmindedly entering the passwords as he had done hundreds of times before, and then finally clicked open the file that was labeled Sheldon's Log. He closed his eyes momentarily to collect his thoughts.

He had plenty to write about tonight, but he needed to calm himself first. He did so by scrolling slowly through old entries. It wasn't long before he found himself blushing and thankful that no one in the universe could penetrate his security measures to gain access to his most private of thoughts.

It astonished him that his thoughts and writings had quickly moved from being strictly scientific to being all about Penny. But then again, Penny had always astonished him.

He slender fingers scrolled thought various Stardates, pausing long enough to allow himself to read his musings about Penny. He smiled as he read about the day she'd moved in. That was the day she stole his spot. It was also the day she stole his heart.

There were shopping trips and illnesses (both real and faked). And the time he hung her underwear on the telephone wires, lent her money (because he'd rather have died than bear her moving) and kept her from making a huge mistake with Stuart. He reflected on the Nimoy gift, Moon Pie and adhesive ducks.

He remembered how his heart had ached the first time she dated Leonard, had sex with Leonard and declined a date with him when he'd finally gotten the courage to ask her. And then she'd told him he wasn't the guy. And yet he'd been so sure he was.

He laughed as he read about the night he'd locked himself out of his apartment and had to spend the night with her. He'd never told her that he had a key taped behind the light fixture in the hallway for emergencies such as that. He could have entered his apartment anytime he'd wanted. But what he had wanted was to stay with her.

There was apple scented hair and coconut scented hair and blueberry pies. There was revenge on Todd Zarnecki, Valentine's Day spent on the sofa with her, and A Streetcar Named Desire when he was sure he'd break down and confess his love for her.

He read about the time he moved to Montana, only to move back to Pasadena the next day, not because he was robbed, but mostly because he realized how much she meant to him.

He closed his eyes while images floated though his mind of the times they'd almost touched, almost kissed, almost...almost...almost made it.

And then there were the times he had worked up the courage to touch her, to sit near her, to fall asleep next to her...there was the time she thought he was sleeping and he felt her press her lips into his.

And just weeks ago, he'd mustered the courage to ask her if she ever thought about him. He was certain she was about to confess to him that she thought of him as often as he did of her. But they'd been interrupted when Amy had knocked on the door.

Tonight he feared he'd gone too far, said too much to Penny. But Amy had pushed him to his limits, he'd tried to repair the damage she'd done, and in a moment of weakness when his defenses were down, Penny had walked in on him. He'd just experienced pure bliss and had been thinking of Penny, imagining her, as his body responded to the stimuli. In a rare instance of being human...of being a man...Sheldon Cooper had released, coming undone alone as he lay in the floor with impure thoughts of Penny and then she'd walked in on him. And he'd told her he loved her.

~s/p~

"We need to talk," he said when she opened the door.

He'd barely gotten past her when he felt her hand land gently on his forearm. Pausing from the heat of her touch and the pounding in his chest, he turned to her.

"Sheldon," she whispered.

His name rolling across her lips sent a familiar heat through his body.

"Close the door" he grunted and she did as he asked.

Her hold on him tightened and she studied his face, her thumb lightly stroking the sensitive skin of his wrist.

"Is there something you need to tell me Sheldon?"

"I want more than this," his words so full of innocence and wonder that it nearly broke her heart.

"More of what?" she asked, tears beginning to fall.

He shuffled his feet nervously and his eyelashes fluttered upwards, his eyes casting a look at her that already told her everything she needed to know.

"Us, Penny. More of us," he paused to swallow, perhaps to buy time, then added, "And I know you do also."

"You...Sheldon, how can you know...I mean, I've never," she stammered, caught somewhere between relief that they were finally confronting their underlying feelings for one another and fear of what this conversation could mean for them both.

"Your vibrator wasn't the only thing I found in your closet the night of our dinner party."

Penny closed her eyes and shook her head, "Go on."

He dropped his gaze and braced for her wrath, "I also found your journal while organizing your closet."

"Sheldon! And you read it?"

"It was an accident."

"A ninety-three page accident?"

"My name...it is on almost every page of your journal since the day we first met."

"Yes, it is."

"Why?"

"Because," she said slowly, taking his hands in hers, "your name, Sheldon, is written all over my life. It's written all over my heart. That's why."

"Do you know, Penny, what drew me to you? What is different about you than any other person I've ever known?"

She laughed, "My waitressing skills? My Nebraska man hands? My financial planning abilities?"

He smiled down at her, "While those are all fine qualities...no. It's the fact that you accept me as I am, 'warts and all' as the popular saying goes."

"Sheldon, you have meant more to me than any other man I have ever known. I never meant for you to, but you do. No one has ever made me laugh like you do. Or trusted me, or had faith in me or challenged me like you do. No other man has ever made me as crazy as you do. But it's a brand of crazy that I want to be a part of. For reasons I don't understand, Sheldon Cooper, I want to walk right straight though Crazyland with you by my side."

"You told me I make you furious."

"You do."

"But you..."

"...love you. I love you."

"Penny."

"Do you know what you want Sheldon?"

"I want to touch you," he sighed, "but I'll need to learn how."

"So did you mean what you said to me a few minutes ago when I came over?"

"Wasn't it obvious? I declared my love for you Penny."

"Then we'll have to do something about it, won't we?"

"Yeah," he said, seeing no logical reason to waste more time with words.

"Why'd it take you so long to tell me?"

"I've been trying to tell you for years, Penny."

"Tonight, when I walked in, when you were on the floor, had you just...,um, well, you know...?"

"Yes," he confessed, his face flushing a crimson hue.

"And were you thinking about me when you...when that happened?"

"Yeah," he breathed out, leaning down to touch his forehead to hers.

She gave his belt a quick tug, "So you do think of me."

"All the time."

~s/p~

**_April 25, 2013_**

_Hi Journal, it's me again!_

_Yeah, I know this is the second time I've written here today. But Sheldon came over earlier tonight and we talked about everything. We talked about...are you ready for this?...us. We talked about us. Yes, there really is an us. _

_In his own goofy way he told me he had "declared his love for me." _

_He loves me and I love him and somehow we are going to figure this all out. It may take awhile, but at least now we know where we stand with each other._

_You know, I was thinking, Journal, that love has the power to change the world. Sometimes, it just has to be declared._

_Funny how that works, huh?_

_~s/p~_


End file.
